Thursday, December 29, 2016

Getting My Ears Pierced at Age 20


Let me tell you a really nasty story and force realistic imagery to make you sick. I have an elephant memory so I literally remember every moment in my life, even those I don't want to rehash. When I was six years old I got my ears pierced at Merle Norman (not sure if this is a Hawaiʻi only store?). Mom took me to the Ward Warehouse store and I picked out the gold balls because they were my favorite. I held her hand as the girl sanitized my ears, dotted them with marker and eventually when both workers held the guns to my ears and shoved the needles through simultaneously. My ears bled, I shed a few tears and left in excitement as I was "so grown up". Damn I should have known how easy life was at six and stayed that age forever. I digress. A couple nights later I slept like a baby (as I still do to this day) and when I woke up, mom asked me if my earring fell off in my sleep. We looked all over the bed for one gold ball, but came up empty. When she looked behind my ear she saw that the earring backing was still in the back of my ear. Okay I know I'm rambling at this point and the story is longer than my actual blog post was supposed to be. I'm trying to land the plane so long story short, the gold ball part of my earring went through my ear as I slept and got stuck in the middle of my earlobe. Mom had to shove it through the tiny ass hole that the needle made to get the ball out of my ear. Blood was everywhere, I still had to go to first grade that day and was overall traumatized as any six year old would be. I ended up switching out my ball earrings for rectangular gem ones and the backings on those got so stuck that my dad had to remove them with pliers. Alas, I have not had good fortune with earrings.

After those horrible instances, I swore off earrings forever. I once went to Claire's to try and not be a wuss but the earring working told me my earlobes were too fat to be pierced. Now I know where my self-esteem issues came from. Customer service is not their strong suit. I went though 14 years of my life with naked and fat earlobes before I decided to stop being such a baby. Yeah my earlobes are abnormally large, but that doesn't mean they can't be accessorized like anyone else's. I dragged my friend Mikayla to Claire's with me where we watched a mom get her ears pierced to match her five year old's. I hid behind the earring rack because trauma and even though the child convinced me it wasn't too bad, I was still terrified. Now that I've taken up your whole day with my inability to land the plane, let me share every thought I had while I got my ears pierced at age 20.
  • Mikayla I'm scared
  • I'm really scared
  • Oh look this lady is getting her ears pierced too I'll just watch her
  • Oh god this looks horrible
  • She's trying to calm me down while her ears are being murdered, how kind
  • I must look really creepy hiding behind this earring rack and staring at her
  • I'm scared
  • Ah that went through her ear!
  • She said it didn't hurt but I bet she's dying inside and hiding it from her fetus
  • I should pick out my own earrings
  • Why are they all ugly
  • Should I get these Elsa ones
  • I really only liked "Frozen" because Bearclaw from "New Girl" is in it
  • Okay now I'm scared again
  • Where is the ear piercing lady
  • She looks like she's 12 is she even qualified for this
  • Why are these earrings $59
  • I don't think I even have any money with me
  • She just explained how to fill out the paperwork and I heard zero words
  • I'm going to sit on this chair and hold the bear
  • Mikayla hold my hand
  • AH SHE'S SANITIZING MY EAR
  • AH SHE'S DOTTING MY EAR
  • AH THE GUN
  • AHHHHHHHH
  • Oh that hurt
  • Am I alive
  • That actually wasn't bad
  • Shit now she has to do my other ear
  • AHHHHHHHH
  • Okay I'm fine
  • That fetus child was braver than me
  • Damn now I have to pay $60
  • I have beautiful ears!!!
Thanks for sticking through this if you read through the whole thing. I now realize how obnoxious my subconscious is and I will try to make myself less irritating. Here's hoping I wake up with both earrings on my lobes and no pliers are ever needed again!

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